Something happened today

Sometimes you just don't realize how bad something has gotten until you are able to see it from a different perspective. So unfortunately, that's what I did today. I went to try on a bathing suit.... worst idea in the world...I thought i would be able to find a cute thing to wear tomorrow, boy was I ever wrong! I managed to get a full 3 way view of my body that I have never experienced before and needless to say I am traumatized. I guess it doesn't help when my hubby says how great I look all the time, because he has really been lying to me. My fat has fat! No really, there is fat upon fat... the lumps have lumps...I never realized how badly things have gone downhill for me. I don't know what to do. I wish I could get the thyroid situation in order and then at least I could pinpoint what else is causing this fatness. Last year I was going to the gym everyday for an hour and a half and I was really working out, I was running, lifting weights, elliptical, bike, spin.... everything and I never lost weight. I weigh the same now as I did when I gave birth to Madelyn! How shitty is that? I want to crawl in a whole and hide away. I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I have become this thing...