Something happened today

Sometimes you just don't realize how bad something has gotten until you are able to see it from a different perspective. So unfortunately, that's what I did today. I went to try on a bathing suit.... worst idea in the world...I thought i would be able to find a cute thing to wear tomorrow, boy was I ever wrong! I managed to get a full 3 way view of my body that I have never experienced before and needless to say I am traumatized. I guess it doesn't help when my hubby says how great I look all the time, because he has really been lying to me. My fat has fat! No really, there is fat upon fat... the lumps have lumps...I never realized how badly things have gone downhill for me. I don't know what to do. I wish I could get the thyroid situation in order and then at least I could pinpoint what else is causing this fatness. Last year I was going to the gym everyday for an hour and a half and I was really working out, I was running, lifting weights, elliptical, bike, spin.... everything and I never lost weight. I weigh the same now as I did when I gave birth to Madelyn! How shitty is that? I want to crawl in a whole and hide away. I am so embarrassed and ashamed that I have become this thing...

It's been a while

There was a bit of family drama and I had to go home to Ohio to visit my family. While I was there I was kind of traumatized and just not really "present." I went alone with the two little kids, ages 3 and 5, and staying in a hotel with a 3 and 5 year old is not and easy venture. Visiting the ICU is also not an easy venture, especially when my daughter, the 3 yo, is puking.... So needless to say it was a very stressful time. The funny thing is during that time I stopped taking all my medications. No Synthroid and no medication for my PTSD... and the funny thing is....wait for it.... I felt better! I felt clear headed, not sore....I felt like I was me again! What an incredible feeling! So recently I started taking the Synthroid again and guess what... i feel like shit! Pure and utter shit. My joints feel so so sore that I can hardly move by the end of the night, literally. Headaches... brain fog... the whole shebang. So this morning I decided to not take the Synthroid... and I felt a bit better, I was still a little sore but nothing as debilitating as I have been feeling. I did take a Raw Thyroid supplement, which has T3 as well as T4, so I think I am going to try taking that and see how I feel after a few weeks. i know deep down my body desperately needs the T3. I also started doing a lot of supplements. First and foremost being Vitamin C... it can be very therapeutic in high doses, so I am trying to get up to a hefty dose, perhaps 3 times a day. I also started Niacin, B12, potassium, and I plan on getting some iodine, I just have to check into it to make sure I can take that with Hashis. I also manages to gain about 8-10 pounds,I didn't really stay on the scale long enough to see the final number, it just wouldn't stop and I got upset. I have been feeling so down in the dumps about the weight issue. I started the gluten free diet, and I have been doing pretty well with it, but I think that I am really going to start trying to eat salads at least twice a day, but I really don't think that it is the amount of calories that I am putting into my body... it's just my freaking evil thyroid... I just want to feel pretty again, i want to feel normal and not obese. I am sick of the rolls that have become my belly... I mean for fucks sake there was a time before all of this stuff that my waist was 25 inches! now I don't even want to know....

Life happens

It has been a while since I have posted anything. There was a family emergency and I had to leave town for a week and it's just taken a bit of a toll on me emotionally. As far as overall mental well being.... I have been feeling so different lately. Where should I begin? I realized that my liver is not converted the T4 that I am prescribed into the T3 that my body needs and I kind of thought that with my last bloodwork results, that I needed to lay off of the Synthroid for the time being to try to get everything evened out. I am still trying to find a doctor who will prescribe me Armour Thyroid aas well..... So I stopped taking my Sythroid when I travelled home to Ohio, it just kind of worked out that way, not that it was 100% intentional. The thing is...I have been feeling great! I wake up now feeling like I am actually rested...something that hasn't happened in years! I don't feel like I wake up with an elephant sitting on my shoulders...it feels great. The only problem is I don't know what to attribute this to. Because not only did I stop the Synthroid, I stopped eating Gluten products ( it will be a month on the 10th!) AND I also stopped taking my antidepressant for my PTSD.... I know it is a lot of changes, I realize that! But I truly feel better! I feel normal for once! Maybe it was the Synthroid that was making me feel so lousy for the past 5 years. If my liver is not converting the t4 into the necessary t3, that would make a big difference. I was only concerned with a TSH level for all of these years because I didn't know any better, now I am learning that TSH isn't the be all and end all of tests to determine how I should be feeling, or what my dosage of medication should be. I think I am going to order the Natural Thyrois online and start taking that because it has t3 and t4... although it may not be as regulated, at least I will get the hormone that my body so desperately needs right now... until I can find the right dr..